Eventually this week will go back to being all things ‘Merica. At least this year and probably for the next few years today feels more like a celebration of my own independence.
It’s been one year since I moved out of the house I shared with my husband. This first year has taught me a lot about myself, specifically that I am stronger than I ever thought I was. I have had some extremely hard moments, but I’ve also had so many moments of intense joy.
The loneliness has been the hardest part of the last year. While I am of course so thankful for the friends who have been there for me, it is different when it is a “significant other.” We call them partners for a reason- it’s different. For a decade I had someone to share my life with, I really do miss that. I miss having that peace of mind feeling like everything is going to be okay, because we have each other.
Moments when I have felt most alone, I’ve been comforted by the fact that I love who I am becoming. I had no idea how much of my spirit had been suppressed until I started living for “me” instead of for the “we” I was fighting to keep. It’s still painful. I’m still healing, but I’m getting stronger from it. I continue to remind myself that although it was comforting in some ways our relationship was not healthy for me.
It does hurt knowing that he is already in a serious relationship with someone new. However, it also feels empowering that I haven’t.
Instead of putting in the energy to find someone new, I’ve put so much time and energy into trying to figure out who I am, who I want to be and how to make it happen. I have spent time reflecting on my past relationship with him to assess what I want for the next one. I’ve reflected to acknowledge the ways that I can be a better partner when/if I’m ready to open my heart up again.
Today, I celebrate my independence. I celebrate the journey that I’m on and the path that I’ve taken to get here. The opportunities I’ve said “yes” to as well as the ones I’ve had the power to say “no” to when I feel they wouldn’t add value to my life. I’ve accepted challenges to help me grow and I’ve explored new interests. I’m proud of myself and excited to see where life takes me.
I’ve been trying to figure out when/if I should officially put this blog out into the universe. Today feels like a pretty good day to do it.
This is my 6th blog since 2011, writing about my experiences has always been something I enjoy doing. I’ve really been blogging since the Xanga.com days in middle school.
My last blog died off around the same time that the future of my marriage was looking less and less optimistic. There are some experiences that are too painful or just unnecessary for me to put out into the world.
Flash forward about a year later when I had to write a blog for work and I got writers block from nervous energy of writing something for an unknown public audience again. I started this blog to try to challenge myself to tap back into my writing side and shake off the cobwebs. I’ve really enjoyed it over the last few months and I’ve gotten feedback from friends who enjoy following along with my local adventures. The official Yelp Hampton Roads channels will continue to be my go-to for my most Yelp-able moments, but this is a fun space to share the personal touches that don’t quite fit in to reviews or on the official channels.
I’ve also gotten several messages from friends going through divorce or who might be facing that road soon who have found inspiration from my journey, but Facebook and Instagram don’t always feel like the most appropriate channel for sharing that part of my journey. Of course when it is a subject that deals with two people, some things aren’t appropriate to publish online, but I hope I’ll be able to share enough to help others see that they aren’t alone in their feelings and life does go on after divorce. Here I am- 1 year behind me and I’m still standing.
Welcome, thanks for joining me, and Happy Independence Day.